My Way Home

The pens have been lifted. The pages have dried.

Welcome to the world, Ulyaa.. December 13, 2012

Filed under: Motherhood — hazelin @ 6:40 am


One (very) active young toddler in the house is enough to make our life becomes so occupied. I don’t get the luxury to have my hands on the laptop at home that often anymore and typing a long entry on iPhone is not so ergonomic. I think I have got enough good reasons for leaving this blog dusty for sooo long. Too many events were left unwritten but I make special effort for this special moment: the birth of our second child!

Alhamdulillah, i safely delivered a baby girl with 3.3 kg birth weight on 31 October 2012, 12.36pm at KK Specialist Centre. We named her Wan Ulyaa binti Wan Muhammad; a name inspired by a verse in the Quran (9:40).

Many people say every pregnancy is unique which applies to me as well. The second pregnancy experience was more challenging to me as I had a very slow total weight gain (baby’s weight increasing perfectly; which meant I was the one who lose weight). Blood test showed that my Hb was pretty low (around 7 as opposed to normal Hb count 12 gm/dl). I was forced to take Iberet Folic which made me throw up after I consumed. I often have sleep deprivation starting around 30 weeks of pregnancy due to back pain. And I had Braxton Hicks at 35 weeks which had made the staff nurse at the hospital thought I came to check my contraction pattern on CTG was only for a joke >_<

So on D day which was actually at 37 W 2 D, I curled up myself on bed after performing Fajr prayer as I had this uneasy feeling in my stomach. There were three possibilities: gastrities, another Braxton Hicks or real labor! I calmly told my husband that I may need to take medical leave if the pain continues – but this time just go to normal clinic (not hospital) to avoid another embarrassment.

Nonetheless, the pain intermittently continued. At 6.30 am, i started to take note on the timing – it was 10-minute interval. I requested my husband to get Aadil prepared to be sent to his babysitter’s house earlier that day in case of real labor. At the same time I called up my mom and texted my MIL to inform that I already had this almost-like-labor continuous pain. Everyone was praying it’s not the time yet since my MIL’s flight was 3 weeks away and we might have to buy an emergency ticket for mama to come over.

I was quite sure it was real labor when the contraction pattern has become more frequent and more severe with 7-minute interval. I slowly packed up my delivery bag (yes, got scolded by mum for not preparing it earlier). Alhamdulillah husband was back from sending Aadil with a packed breakfast for me. I religiously ate my meal, grabbed a few dates and continuously drink air zam zam in the hope to have enough energy for the ‘battle’. This is a lesson learnt from Aadil’s labor experience in which I didn’t have enough energy to push which made doctor decided to assist the delivery with kiwi vacum.

The pain became more intense and I continuously recite du’a Fatimah, istighfar and selawat; together with my zauj. Alhamdulillah for the breathing technique I had learnt from akhawat and the YouTube; which helped me a lot to stay calm; focused and bear with the pain.

When we reached hospital, I was assisted by the same staff nurse who attended me during the false labor last time. Looking at me severely in pain, she asked permission to straight away check my dilation. To my shocking, it was 7cm. I was then sent to labor room straight away.
It was a whole new experience:
– My legs were ‘hung’ to the looped belt at the bed frame to ensure good opening for ease of delivery (I guess).

– The labor room was very busy that day since most of my doctor’s patients ‘chose’ to deliver on that day; before she left Taiwan on the next day for 7-day marathon leave. So doctor was running one patient to another; which somehow made me nervous. But the nurses seemed to be very experienced and skillful.

– No pain killer at all. I planned to take epidural to experience a more relaxed labor but it was too late for that. Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it easy for me. I can never thank You enough my Allah..

– This time I have my zauj by my side throughout the labor! I was grateful to have someone to share the pain and happiness during that crucial moment.

After about 90 minutes in the labor room,with just three pushes i safely deliver my girl.

So that’s my short story of Ulyaa’s labor. I shed tears of thankfulness;

Thankful to Him who has made the delivery smooth and relatively easy

Thankful to Him who has granted us a beautiful and healthy baby girl

Thankful to Him for His endless bounty upon us.

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.

“And We have enjoined upon man to be kind to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of a child to his weaning is thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and is forty years (old), he says, ‘O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favors, that You bestowed me and upon both my parents; that I may do righteous deeds that are acceptable to You; and be gracious to me with regards to (my own) offspring. Surely, I turn to You repentant, and I wholly give myself (to You).” (Qur’an 46:15)


Aadil, we did it! December 5, 2010

Filed under: Motherhood — hazelin @ 9:34 am

Seriously, there have been so many posts that I have “written up” in my head and just never got around to “writing up” in my blog; especially since the day Aadil was born. I decided to write down Aadil s birth story, before I completely forget about it (can I?). Afraid that this entry might go long-winded, but I hope this might be helpful for those expecting mothers as   I myself found a lot of inspiration reading other people’s birth story shortly before my own labour…

Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me throughout my pregnancy. Very light morning sickness, well-maintained energy level and blessed with extraordinary appetite! I was always on the move, jogged Aadil around even when he was still in my uterus. From bumpy speed boat ride crossing the sea to walking under blazing sun of haramain, and everything in between.

Alhamdulillah I managed to convince my superior to let me continue working in KL office starting from week 34 of pregnancy (otherwise I will not be accepted to board any plane beyond that date). So from then on, I had my weekly checkup at DEMC Shah Alam with Dr. Norleen (a decision made after so much consultation with akhawat).

16 October 2010

It was just another weekly checkup with Dr. Norleen. However, I planned to go to Bangi afterwards to attend PIMPIN 2010, an annual convention organised by Wanita ISMA.  I brought along some spare cloth for an overnight stay, in case I decided to stay over. I didn’t tell my mother in advance about my intention to attend the program because I knew she wouldn’t let me go since my EDD was just 10 days away (but of course I already got green light from dear zauj who truly understand how I would feel to miss such great program).

Checkup went on as usual with no strange findings; mom was ok and baby was healthy . CTG results also showed no contraction at all. Dr. Norleen decided to give me early medical leave starting the following Thursday for me to have ample rest prior to actual delivery. Before I left, I finalized my birth plan with her: try best for normal delivery, no epidural, just pethidine and nitrous oxide gas for anaesthesia. So I arrived at the program venue around 12 noon, went straight to the main hall after registration. Since I was still indecisive about staying over, I told Kak U, who happened to take charge of registration, that I would only give my confirmation late afternoon.

Alhamdulillah, I had my priceless moment there; being enlightened with excellent presentations by the sheikh of daawah and got to meet my dearest akhawat. It’d be a huge lost for me if I attend it halfway, so I took the nerve to call my mum and told her that I’ll be staying over.  At first she didn’t agree since I was considered full term and could deliver anytime soon. She also told me that she had cooked crab curry for dinner, one of my favourite dish. ‘ nanti dalam pantang dah tak boleh makan tau’, she teased me. ‘Takpe ma, simpan la dalam fridge, esok balik boleh makan’, I replied. I also assured her not to worry about me too much as I was surrounded by many doctors; from houseman to specialist. As expected, she agreed but wasn’t very happy with the decision. Tawakkal ilallah, hopefully it worth the risk!

So to cut the story short, I started to feel an indescribable pain, like very mild period pain, after performing asr prayer. The pain was very mild and bearable, but coming continuously almost every hour since then. Feeling a bit worried, I did talk about the pain with several akhawat, especially the mothers and doctors. Most of them asked me to be prepared as it might be the early signs of labor. However to confirm it’s a real labor, I might get one of these ‘show’: blood, water or contraction; whichever comes first. Even so, I was in great denial that I was in labor; so I ignored my own body’s signals and convinced myself it was nothing. Maybe just a normal stomach ache, I told myself. Must be the fish sambal that I took for dinner. That night I opted to share a room with Kak SS. In case of anything, I’d feel safe in her hands who is a mother of 6 with vast experience in pregnancy and labor.

17 October 2010

12 mid night: I started feeling real ‘pains’ and coming regularly about every 30mins. I wasn’t sure, whether it was contraction or just an upset stomach. I was in and out of the toilet for several time, checking for the ‘show’. But there was none. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore so I got up, took shower, and called up zauj who was thousand miles away. I requested zauj to together make a prayer; if it’s really contraction, please give me the ‘show’, if it’s just stomach ache please let me pass motion.

2am: I finally had the ‘show’, it was stain of blood. Thank You Allah for granting my prayer. First called up zauj, second I woke Kak SS up and third called up mama. I controlled my voice to be as calm as possible while telling mama that I already had my show and requested her to go to DEMC and bring along the bag I already packed for labor.

2.30am: Kak SS invited F and Dr M to send me to DEMC together with her. We went there in two cars; I was with Dr M (K SS suggested this as she said I’d be safer in a doctor’s care) and K SS drove my car accompanied by F. I was on the phone with zauj along the way, listening to his comforting prayers. I managed to memorize the prayer of Fatimah with my zauj’s help: Ya hayyu ya qayyum, aslihli shakni kullahu, wa la takilni ila nafsi torfata ain.. Ya Allah, make ease for me in everything I do, and don’t make it hard even for a blink of an aye..

3am: Reached DEMC. Went straight to labor room. The nurse in charge did the VE on me, I was 3 cm dilated. She put on the CTG machine to monitor the contraction pattern and baby’s heart beat. Around 3.30am, mama arrived with bapak.

4am: Suddenly I felt a gush of water wetting the bed. My water just broke. Mama quickly pressed the button to call the nurse.. I was a bit panic at first because I thought it was the time when baby was about to slide out.  Nurse came, did VE, dilation was about 4 or 5 cm (cant recall heheh) and said no need to worry because it was just premature rupture of membranes.

5-7 am: By this time contraction was really intense and painful and coming in the interval of 5 minutes. I was already curled in pain, mama was always by my side reminding me to continue reciting prayers and istighfar. She asked me to eat the dates that she brought along for energy but I only ate very little since the pain had really put off my appetite.

7 am: I really felt the urge to push but the staff nurse asked me to wait because I was only 8cm dilated. Subhanallah, I think at this point the pain was unimaginable. The pethidine and nitrous oxide gas didn’t really relieve the pain.

7.50am: Dr Norleen arrived. After did examination on me, she calmly told that I was fully dilated and ready for delivery. The staff nurse taught me how to push the right way and reminded me not to lift up my back during the push.

7.55am: The pushing began. The encouragement from doctor and nurse made the process quite smoothly for me except the fact that I was really out of energy by that time. I thought I knew how to push well, but I really had drained most of my energy out to hold the pain during contraction (that time I regretted for not eating more dates that my mama offered) . So I did try several pushes before the doctor decided to expedite the process using vacuum.

8.01am: Alhamdulillah, Aadil was safely delivered and immediately being put on me . No word can describe my feeling at that moment. The excruciating pain was simply washed away the moment  I saw him and cradle him in my arms. I kissed his cheek and my heart continuously praising Allah for His bounty. After being cleaned, he was then being ‘azan-ed’ by both Atok and Tok Wan. He stopped crying while being azan-ed by Atok and fell asleep right after Tok Wan finished the azan.

So that’s Aadil’s birth story. The experience has really made me realized that all the childbirth stories that I heard or read before are not imagined or exaggerated. When the mothers tell you the pain is indescribable, please trust them that no words can ever represent the feeling. You just have to go through the whole experience and feel it yourself. No wonder mothers are accorded a special place of honor and respect in Islam.

“And We have enjoined upon man to be kind to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of a child to his weaning is thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and is forty years (old), he says, ‘O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favors, that You bestowed me and upon both my parents; that I may do righteous deeds that are acceptable to You; and be gracious to me with regards to (my own) offspring. Surely, I turn to You repentant, and I wholly give myself (to You).” (Qur’an 46:15)

All praises are due to Him for granting me the chance to taste the sweetness and joy of motherhood. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar. It’s such an honour and I’ll try my best to turn myself into this wonderful, selfless being – A mother.

Oh yes, you may call me Umm Aadil! 🙂