My Way Home

The pens have been lifted. The pages have dried.

Aadil, we did it! December 5, 2010

Filed under: Motherhood — hazelin @ 9:34 am

Seriously, there have been so many posts that I have “written up” in my head and just never got around to “writing up” in my blog; especially since the day Aadil was born. I decided to write down Aadil s birth story, before I completely forget about it (can I?). Afraid that this entry might go long-winded, but I hope this might be helpful for those expecting mothers as   I myself found a lot of inspiration reading other people’s birth story shortly before my own labour…

Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me throughout my pregnancy. Very light morning sickness, well-maintained energy level and blessed with extraordinary appetite! I was always on the move, jogged Aadil around even when he was still in my uterus. From bumpy speed boat ride crossing the sea to walking under blazing sun of haramain, and everything in between.

Alhamdulillah I managed to convince my superior to let me continue working in KL office starting from week 34 of pregnancy (otherwise I will not be accepted to board any plane beyond that date). So from then on, I had my weekly checkup at DEMC Shah Alam with Dr. Norleen (a decision made after so much consultation with akhawat).

16 October 2010

It was just another weekly checkup with Dr. Norleen. However, I planned to go to Bangi afterwards to attend PIMPIN 2010, an annual convention organised by Wanita ISMA.  I brought along some spare cloth for an overnight stay, in case I decided to stay over. I didn’t tell my mother in advance about my intention to attend the program because I knew she wouldn’t let me go since my EDD was just 10 days away (but of course I already got green light from dear zauj who truly understand how I would feel to miss such great program).

Checkup went on as usual with no strange findings; mom was ok and baby was healthy . CTG results also showed no contraction at all. Dr. Norleen decided to give me early medical leave starting the following Thursday for me to have ample rest prior to actual delivery. Before I left, I finalized my birth plan with her: try best for normal delivery, no epidural, just pethidine and nitrous oxide gas for anaesthesia. So I arrived at the program venue around 12 noon, went straight to the main hall after registration. Since I was still indecisive about staying over, I told Kak U, who happened to take charge of registration, that I would only give my confirmation late afternoon.

Alhamdulillah, I had my priceless moment there; being enlightened with excellent presentations by the sheikh of daawah and got to meet my dearest akhawat. It’d be a huge lost for me if I attend it halfway, so I took the nerve to call my mum and told her that I’ll be staying over.  At first she didn’t agree since I was considered full term and could deliver anytime soon. She also told me that she had cooked crab curry for dinner, one of my favourite dish. ‘ nanti dalam pantang dah tak boleh makan tau’, she teased me. ‘Takpe ma, simpan la dalam fridge, esok balik boleh makan’, I replied. I also assured her not to worry about me too much as I was surrounded by many doctors; from houseman to specialist. As expected, she agreed but wasn’t very happy with the decision. Tawakkal ilallah, hopefully it worth the risk!

So to cut the story short, I started to feel an indescribable pain, like very mild period pain, after performing asr prayer. The pain was very mild and bearable, but coming continuously almost every hour since then. Feeling a bit worried, I did talk about the pain with several akhawat, especially the mothers and doctors. Most of them asked me to be prepared as it might be the early signs of labor. However to confirm it’s a real labor, I might get one of these ‘show’: blood, water or contraction; whichever comes first. Even so, I was in great denial that I was in labor; so I ignored my own body’s signals and convinced myself it was nothing. Maybe just a normal stomach ache, I told myself. Must be the fish sambal that I took for dinner. That night I opted to share a room with Kak SS. In case of anything, I’d feel safe in her hands who is a mother of 6 with vast experience in pregnancy and labor.

17 October 2010

12 mid night: I started feeling real ‘pains’ and coming regularly about every 30mins. I wasn’t sure, whether it was contraction or just an upset stomach. I was in and out of the toilet for several time, checking for the ‘show’. But there was none. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore so I got up, took shower, and called up zauj who was thousand miles away. I requested zauj to together make a prayer; if it’s really contraction, please give me the ‘show’, if it’s just stomach ache please let me pass motion.

2am: I finally had the ‘show’, it was stain of blood. Thank You Allah for granting my prayer. First called up zauj, second I woke Kak SS up and third called up mama. I controlled my voice to be as calm as possible while telling mama that I already had my show and requested her to go to DEMC and bring along the bag I already packed for labor.

2.30am: Kak SS invited F and Dr M to send me to DEMC together with her. We went there in two cars; I was with Dr M (K SS suggested this as she said I’d be safer in a doctor’s care) and K SS drove my car accompanied by F. I was on the phone with zauj along the way, listening to his comforting prayers. I managed to memorize the prayer of Fatimah with my zauj’s help: Ya hayyu ya qayyum, aslihli shakni kullahu, wa la takilni ila nafsi torfata ain.. Ya Allah, make ease for me in everything I do, and don’t make it hard even for a blink of an aye..

3am: Reached DEMC. Went straight to labor room. The nurse in charge did the VE on me, I was 3 cm dilated. She put on the CTG machine to monitor the contraction pattern and baby’s heart beat. Around 3.30am, mama arrived with bapak.

4am: Suddenly I felt a gush of water wetting the bed. My water just broke. Mama quickly pressed the button to call the nurse.. I was a bit panic at first because I thought it was the time when baby was about to slide out.  Nurse came, did VE, dilation was about 4 or 5 cm (cant recall heheh) and said no need to worry because it was just premature rupture of membranes.

5-7 am: By this time contraction was really intense and painful and coming in the interval of 5 minutes. I was already curled in pain, mama was always by my side reminding me to continue reciting prayers and istighfar. She asked me to eat the dates that she brought along for energy but I only ate very little since the pain had really put off my appetite.

7 am: I really felt the urge to push but the staff nurse asked me to wait because I was only 8cm dilated. Subhanallah, I think at this point the pain was unimaginable. The pethidine and nitrous oxide gas didn’t really relieve the pain.

7.50am: Dr Norleen arrived. After did examination on me, she calmly told that I was fully dilated and ready for delivery. The staff nurse taught me how to push the right way and reminded me not to lift up my back during the push.

7.55am: The pushing began. The encouragement from doctor and nurse made the process quite smoothly for me except the fact that I was really out of energy by that time. I thought I knew how to push well, but I really had drained most of my energy out to hold the pain during contraction (that time I regretted for not eating more dates that my mama offered) . So I did try several pushes before the doctor decided to expedite the process using vacuum.

8.01am: Alhamdulillah, Aadil was safely delivered and immediately being put on me . No word can describe my feeling at that moment. The excruciating pain was simply washed away the moment  I saw him and cradle him in my arms. I kissed his cheek and my heart continuously praising Allah for His bounty. After being cleaned, he was then being ‘azan-ed’ by both Atok and Tok Wan. He stopped crying while being azan-ed by Atok and fell asleep right after Tok Wan finished the azan.

So that’s Aadil’s birth story. The experience has really made me realized that all the childbirth stories that I heard or read before are not imagined or exaggerated. When the mothers tell you the pain is indescribable, please trust them that no words can ever represent the feeling. You just have to go through the whole experience and feel it yourself. No wonder mothers are accorded a special place of honor and respect in Islam.

“And We have enjoined upon man to be kind to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of a child to his weaning is thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and is forty years (old), he says, ‘O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favors, that You bestowed me and upon both my parents; that I may do righteous deeds that are acceptable to You; and be gracious to me with regards to (my own) offspring. Surely, I turn to You repentant, and I wholly give myself (to You).” (Qur’an 46:15)

All praises are due to Him for granting me the chance to taste the sweetness and joy of motherhood. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar. It’s such an honour and I’ll try my best to turn myself into this wonderful, selfless being – A mother.

Oh yes, you may call me Umm Aadil! 🙂


We are now 3 :) October 17, 2010

Filed under: Parenting — hazelin @ 9:01 pm

Welcoming Wan Aadil bin Wan Muhammad to the family…

A few hours after birth..

“Barakallahu laka fil mauhub, wa syakarta al wahib, wa balagha asyuddahu, wa ruziqta birrahu.”


It’s 1..2..3..4! September 30, 2010

Filed under: Milestones of Life — hazelin @ 1:12 am

Wan & Hazlin Journey Ticker

While I was in the middle of a strenuous technical meeting at the office this morning, suddenly I received an SMS that has carved a spontaneous wide smile on my face and broken a small laughter.

We have been married for 1 year, 2 months, 3 weeks & 4 days

It was him, my husband, with his ‘selamba’and out-of-sudden joke that I always love.

In my head I was imagining that he was spending his free time before bed by browsing through our dusty blog and found our marriage ticker. My guess was right when later I received an email from him asking for the username and password to access the blog account. That proves how long we have been neglecting the site.

My colleague who was sitting next to me asking me what has caused my sudden joy.  I showed her the SMS and then she said “Laa.. baru nak cakap congrats.. ingatkan anniversary ke..”.

Well, everyday is our anniversary; my heart said. Instead of voicing out the answer, I responded to her remarks with a smile.

Time flies very fast and we don’t realize that we have walked through our marriage journey this far. Alhamdulillah, I feel so blessed by Allah with this marriage; with a very loving husband and a soon-to-be-delivered baby. Even though we are separated thousand miles away for most of the time, Allah has made our hearts closer day by day. Even though we are yet to have the chance to settle down together at one place and make a living like a normal family, we are still confident that the day will come. If it’s not now here, it’ll be later there. We have started this journey together in the name of Allah; so we hope to reach our destination i.e. jannatullah, with His redha.

Later at night, I called my dear husband for our daily 10-minute chat (yes, we try to make ourselves discipline in order to save on the telephone bill). He started the conversation by teasing me with a quiz: Ok, how long have we been married? Uncertain with my answer, I sloooowly replied his question (with long mmmmmm and errrrrr in between) while my fingers rapidly pushing the buttons on the phone to check back his SMS this morning.

“It’s 1 year… emmm.. 2 months… errrr… 3 weeks and 4 days! Eh abang, do you realize it?! It’s 1.. 2.. 3.. 4!!”

“Ye la sayang, tak perasan pulak..”.. and we both broke into a big laughter.

Oh well friend, you can proceed with your wish..

Happy ‘1 2 3 4’ Anniversary to us!


Eid Mubarak! September 10, 2010

Filed under: Happenings Around Us — hazelin @ 12:12 pm


Ramadhan kali ini… August 21, 2010

Filed under: Milestones of Life — hazelin @ 1:07 pm

courtesy of kimkatkeblack. Minta halal post di sini ye dik.

Hari ni sedar tak sedar dah masuk hari ke sebelas Ramadhan 1431H.  Dengan harapan yang menggunung, semoga Ramadhan kali ini lebih cemerlang dari Ramadhan yang lepas.

Jika Ramadhan lepas adalah Ramadhan pertama sebagai isteri, Ramadhan kali ini pula lebih istimewa bersama si kecil yang masih dalam kandungan. Alhamdulillah, lil caliph sangat memahami, tak banyak ragam sepanjang puasa.. Semoga lahir nanti menjadi anak yang soleh dan musleh. (cant wait to hold you in my arms, my dear..)

Hanya seminggu sahaja waktu yang tinggal untuk saya berada di negeri bawah bayu ini sebelum berangkat pulang ke semenanjung buat sementara (4 bulan sahaja). Hati terasa berdebar-debar, antara gembira dan gentar. Gembira kerana berpeluang untuk merasa (walau sekejap) tinggal dan bekerja dekat dengan keluarga dan sahabat handai. Gentar kerana memikirkan banyak tanggungjawab yang terpaksa diserahkan pada orang lain untuk dilaksanakan bagi pihak diri ini. Semoga semuanya dipermudahkan Allah.

Akan rindulah saya pada teman seperjuangan di sini, adik2 PEMBINA yang semakin mengorak langkah, team AP, tak dilupakan geng surau SBO yang baru dibentuk (alhamdulillah, Ramadhan kali ini lebih manis dengan sesi ‘pengantar tafsir’ setiap zohor, penuh nuansa ukhuwah dan keinsafan 🙂 ).

Semoga kita mengambil segenap peluang untuk menuai ganjaran dalam hari-hari Ramadhan yang masih berbaki. Penuhi dengan ibadah puasa yang kualiti, qiam yang konsisten, tilawatul quran yang tertib, dan sedekah yang ikhlas. Semoga berjaya menjadi graduan madrasah Ramadhan yang mendapat anugerah TAQWA first class! Kullu aam wa antum bikhair!


Berdoalah May 18, 2010

Filed under: Milestones of Life — hazelin @ 1:23 am

Alhamdulillah, minggu ini masuk minggu ke-17 usia kandungan pertama saya. Ini juga bermakna (theoretically) berlalu sudah gelombang 1st trimester yang mencabar, terutamanya bagi ibu muda seperti saya. Semoga Allah terus memberi kesihatan dan tenaga untuk menunaikan banyak hak dan tanggungjawab yang masih belum usai.

Semalam, saya mengambil peluang untuk menghabiskan masa sehari semalam di rumah sahabat seperjuangan saya, ukht R, kerana suaminya outstation. Masa banyak terisi dengan perkongsian isi buku yang kami telah baca sambil diselitkan dengan cerita-cerita kenangan silam. Ukht R juga tak lokek untuk berkongsi pregnancy advice and tips, berdasarkan pengalaman peribadinya.

“Kak, takut tak masa nak deliver tu? Akak takut tak kalau akhi takder masa tu?”, soal saya kepada ukht R.

“Oh, akak memang tak putus-putus berdoa agar akhi ada disisi akak masa delivery.. Memang berdoa..”

“Kes saya lain kak. Saya taknak mengharap sangat sebab tahu akhi memang jauh. Saya taknak pasang harapan tinggi sangat supaya tak kecewa. Kena setmind dan didik hati dari sekarang..” pintas saya.

Jawapan yang terpacul dari mulut saya membuatkan saya terfikir sendiri. Antara taknak mengharap kerana takut kecewa dan untuk terus berdoa kerana yakin dan bersangka baik padaNya. Saya jadi keliru pula.

Tengah hari tadi Allah beri kesempatan untuk berehat sejenak di surau pejabat sambil membaca lembaran mushaf alQuran. Surah Mariam menjadi pilihan. Hati ini seakan terpana tatkala bacaan melewati doa pengaduan Nabi Zakaria yang Allah nukilkan..

“…Ya Tuhanku, sungguh tulangku telah lemah dan kepalaku telah dipenuhi uban, dan aku belum pernah kecewa dalam berdo’a kepadaMu, ya Tuhanku…” (19: 4)

Hati saya menangis malu apabila mengenangkan lemahnya keyakinan sendiri terhadap janji Allah walau hanya diuji dengan dugaan kecil.

Berdoalah, maka Aku perkenankan..

Berdoalah.. kerana doa itu ibadah..

Berdoalah.. kerana doa itu perintah..



I’ll take it easy December 19, 2009

Filed under: Not-So-Random Thoughts — hazelin @ 5:59 pm

Dah lama blog ini ditinggalkan sepi. Bukan tidak berminat lagi, bukan tidak mencuba. Setiap kali menulis, saya teragak-agak untuk tekan butang ‘Publish’ walau pun draft sudah disiapkan. Mungkin kerana saya terkesan dengan pendapat orang yang berpendapat blog yang baik adalah blog yang berkonsep ilmiah. Mungkin juga kerana saya terlampau bersikap perfectionist, walaupun pada hakikatnya saya memang tidak mampu untuk menghasilkan penulisan yang baik. Mungkin saya sendiri yang kekeringan idea, ilmu dan pengalaman yang hendak dikongsikan sejak akhir-akhir ini. Mungkin kerana saya takut pembaca akan menghakimi saya berdasarkan penulisan saya di sini. Dan mungkin juga kerana pelbagai alasan lagi yang saya boleh senaraikan dengan panjang di sini.

Walau apa pun alasannya, saya mahu berjanji pada diri saya untuk tetap istiqamah dengan penulisan blog dengan niat untuk berkongsi kebaikan yang sedikit dari pengalaman kehidupan diri ini dengan pembaca sekalian (jika ada). Semoga Allah terima sebagai amalan baik untuk timbangan di hari akhirat kelak. Amin.

Sejak kebelakangan ini, saya perhatikan banyak penulisan telah dihasilkan berdasarkan pengalaman hidup individu dengan tema penulisan yang agak ringan atau easy going. Secara jujurnya, saya juga lebih berminat dengan penulisan yang ringan tetapi dapat memberi kesan kepada hati. Penulisan yang terlampau ilmiah agak memberatkan otak dan melunturkan minat membaca (oh, saya sangat berbeza dengan suami saya yang mampu membaca text arab yang sangat panjang dengan penuh minat). Jadi, saya rasa saya akan kembali menulis dengan tema yang lebih mudah, berdasarkan pengalaman hidup sendiri. I’m not a good writer, nor an academician. I’m just a slave of Allah who is hoping to do some good to the world she is living, to pick up every single opportunities to gain blessing from Allah.

I’ll take it easy! I’ll say EASY to writing!