Relocation October 9, 2014

Alhamdulillah for the extra energy today benefited from following my O&G consultant’s advice to take (or rather start religiously consuming back) the iron tablets prescribed to me. It has been a strenuous period for the past few weeks for the whole family as we are in the midst of relocating process. I’ll be moving back to Semenanjung after 7 good years in Kota Kinabalu.

Talking about relocation, it is taking a whole lot of momentum and energy to initiate the process, going through the transition period before being able to settle down in a new place or environment. We have gone through the challenging initiation period which has taken longer time than we expected. The unanticipated challenges had somehow pulled me back to re-evaluate the decision that had been agreed before. It was not about the right or wrong of the decision. You can plan and make all the calculation. But life is not made of mathematical theories and logic. “...and they devised plans and Allah too had arranged a plan; and Allah is the best of planners.” (Al-Quran, 8:30).

So now we are in the transition mode for almost a month. I believe it’s the most demanding phase. Alhamdulillah for all the support rendered by family members and friends. Hope to be able to pass this stage soon.

Heart of Muslim July 23, 2014

Looking up at the sky, searching for Allah most High
He rejected the way of worshipping Gods of clay
Prophet Ibrahim knew that Allah was near
And that the heart of a Muslim is sincere

Under the hot burning sun, he declared God is one
Though with stones on his chest, his Imaan would not rest
The Muadhin knew that right would conquer wrong
And the heart of a Muslim must be strong

It’s the heart of a Muslim through the guidance of Islam
That makes you fair and kind and helpful to your fellow man
So living as a Muslim means that you must play a part
Allah looks not at how you look, but what is in your heart

In our poor meager state, little food on our plate
Mother said she was glad, always sharing what we had
When I asked how can we share what’s not enough
She said the heart of a Muslim’s filled with love

He said its time you should know, you will learn as you grow
That some people around will do what’s bad to bring you down
Father said to be a star that’s shining bright
For the heart of a Muslim does what’s right

So whatever you do, make sure your words are true
Honesty is the best, because life is a test
Even if it hurts so much you want to cry
For the heart of a Muslim does not lie

Taharrau Lailatul Qadr!

– Ramadhan 1435-

 

Abang December 14, 2012

Oh boy, you grow up so fast that we almost lost track of you!

Aadil is exactly 2 when his sister arrives (a pretty good timing so mama and baba can save on a shared birthday cake :)). Most of parenting notes describe young toddler at this age as TWO terrible, TWO troublesome. Heheh, it is somehow true.

Aadil is just TWO active! The only time to see him stay put is when he’s asleep or when he’s busy with gadgets like iphone, ipad – which is bad, i know :(. He’s now has become a chatterbox too. He tries to imitate every single thing that he hears – every word that people around him say and every sound that things around him make! Seriously, TWO cute!!!

I think his brain is developing very fast at this stage that we as parents should not taking it for granted. I have put less attention to Aadil towards final weeks of pregnancy and let Abu Aadil to spend most time with him as a transition stage before the arrival of the sister. Alhmdlh now after berpantang, i hope to be able to spend more time with him and become his first and best teacher 🙂

We are sending him to school next year for 2 main reasons:
1. Hope to reduce his exposure to tv n gadgets
2. Improve his socializing skill.

If he got to learn something new at school at this age; that will be a bonus as in KK we dont have the luxury of various montessories or child care that offers both good islamic and academic learning syllibus. So, we have no choice but to homeschool Aadil and become his best and most favourite teachers.

Welcome to the world, Ulyaa.. December 13, 2012

One (very) active young toddler in the house is enough to make our life becomes so occupied. I don’t get the luxury to have my hands on the laptop at home that often anymore and typing a long entry on iPhone is not so ergonomic. I think I have got enough good reasons for leaving this blog dusty for sooo long. Too many events were left unwritten but I make special effort for this special moment: the birth of our second child!

Alhamdulillah, i safely delivered a baby girl with 3.3 kg birth weight on 31 October 2012, 12.36pm at KK Specialist Centre. We named her Wan Ulyaa binti Wan Muhammad; a name inspired by a verse in the Quran (9:40).

Many people say every pregnancy is unique which applies to me as well. The second pregnancy experience was more challenging to me as I had a very slow total weight gain (baby’s weight increasing perfectly; which meant I was the one who lose weight). Blood test showed that my Hb was pretty low (around 7 as opposed to normal Hb count 12 gm/dl). I was forced to take Iberet Folic which made me throw up after I consumed. I often have sleep deprivation starting around 30 weeks of pregnancy due to back pain. And I had Braxton Hicks at 35 weeks which had made the staff nurse at the hospital thought I came to check my contraction pattern on CTG was only for a joke >_<

So on D day which was actually at 37 W 2 D, I curled up myself on bed after performing Fajr prayer as I had this uneasy feeling in my stomach. There were three possibilities: gastrities, another Braxton Hicks or real labor! I calmly told my husband that I may need to take medical leave if the pain continues – but this time just go to normal clinic (not hospital) to avoid another embarrassment.

Nonetheless, the pain intermittently continued. At 6.30 am, i started to take note on the timing – it was 10-minute interval. I requested my husband to get Aadil prepared to be sent to his babysitter’s house earlier that day in case of real labor. At the same time I called up my mom and texted my MIL to inform that I already had this almost-like-labor continuous pain. Everyone was praying it’s not the time yet since my MIL’s flight was 3 weeks away and we might have to buy an emergency ticket for mama to come over.

I was quite sure it was real labor when the contraction pattern has become more frequent and more severe with 7-minute interval. I slowly packed up my delivery bag (yes, got scolded by mum for not preparing it earlier). Alhamdulillah husband was back from sending Aadil with a packed breakfast for me. I religiously ate my meal, grabbed a few dates and continuously drink air zam zam in the hope to have enough energy for the ‘battle’. This is a lesson learnt from Aadil’s labor experience in which I didn’t have enough energy to push which made doctor decided to assist the delivery with kiwi vacum.

The pain became more intense and I continuously recite du’a Fatimah, istighfar and selawat; together with my zauj. Alhamdulillah for the breathing technique I had learnt from akhawat and the YouTube; which helped me a lot to stay calm; focused and bear with the pain.

When we reached hospital, I was assisted by the same staff nurse who attended me during the false labor last time. Looking at me severely in pain, she asked permission to straight away check my dilation. To my shocking, it was 7cm. I was then sent to labor room straight away.
It was a whole new experience:
– My legs were ‘hung’ to the looped belt at the bed frame to ensure good opening for ease of delivery (I guess).

– The labor room was very busy that day since most of my doctor’s patients ‘chose’ to deliver on that day; before she left Taiwan on the next day for 7-day marathon leave. So doctor was running one patient to another; which somehow made me nervous. But the nurses seemed to be very experienced and skillful.

– No pain killer at all. I planned to take epidural to experience a more relaxed labor but it was too late for that. Alhamdulillah, Allah has made it easy for me. I can never thank You enough my Allah..

– This time I have my zauj by my side throughout the labor! I was grateful to have someone to share the pain and happiness during that crucial moment.

After about 90 minutes in the labor room,with just three pushes i safely deliver my girl.

So that’s my short story of Ulyaa’s labor. I shed tears of thankfulness;

Thankful to Him who has made the delivery smooth and relatively easy

Thankful to Him who has granted us a beautiful and healthy baby girl

Thankful to Him for His endless bounty upon us.

Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar.

“And We have enjoined upon man to be kind to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of a child to his weaning is thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and is forty years (old), he says, ‘O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favors, that You bestowed me and upon both my parents; that I may do righteous deeds that are acceptable to You; and be gracious to me with regards to (my own) offspring. Surely, I turn to You repentant, and I wholly give myself (to You).” (Qur’an 46:15)

Hope to make it this time! January 22, 2012

One of the tips to get you to read is to write.

Another promise to myself to get back to writing.

But this time, with a focus, with a theme. Hope to be able to launch it very soon.

Mesej untuk ibu.. May 11, 2011

Bila Allah bg rezeki jd isteri n ibu, baru dpt rasakan sendiri betapa besarnya pengorbanan n kesabaran yg perlu dimiliki. Kita ingin memberikan yg terbaik utk anak n suami, walau pun hakikatnya kita ada byk tugasan lain yg membebani. Kita ingin org yg disayangi bahagia, sihat n ceria; walaupun diri penat n lesu terasa. Terima kasih ibuku.. jasamu takkan pnh terbalas oleh manusia..

What’s up?

Oh, dah lamanya tak menulis.
Many things happened interesting enough to be shared but i just managed to write them down in my head.

1. Returning back to office after a luxurious maternity leave. I only had less than two months to complete all kpis that i promised to do in my performance contract. Alhamdulillah mama n cik ah were here to accompany us (i mean aadil n i since baba still away). Jazakumullahu khairan, only Allah can pay back all your good deeds. They were here for two months, with the hope that aadil would be prepared to be sent to nursery at the age of four month.

2. We are finally together as Wan family! Alhamdulillah! Allahu akbar! Penantian n doa hampir 2 tahun akhirnya termakbul.. Bila dah rasa nikmat living together under one roof, rasa hilang penat lelah duka luka waktu berjauhan. Ini baru secicip nikmat duniawi.. Teringat satu hadith yg lbh kurg mafhumnya:
Org yg paling nikmat d dunia, apabila d celup dgn satu celupan d neraka dia lupa semua nikmat dunia seolah tidak pernah merasa nikmat dunia.
Org yg paling susah di dunia, dimasukkan ke syurga sekelip mata, dia lupa semua kesusahan dunia seolah2 tak pernah mengalami kesusahan dunia.

Semoga dapat kukecapi nikmat syurga.. Amin..

3. Aadil will be 7 months next week!!! How time flies!! He’s doing amazing, growing up and developing new skills over the time at his own pace (yes, every baby’s development is unique). Now preparing himself for crawling- lifting up his butt/ back, doing stationary swimming (rupa macam nak berenang tp tak gerak ke mana pon). Mama n baba know that it’s time for us to also prepare the house to be child proof. Ouh, he’s also advancing his verbal skill. Dah pandai sebut mamama when he wants to be fed and say bababa when he needs nappy change! Clever boy 🙂

4. After some hesitation and thirough life cycle cost analysis, i finally got myself an iphone4. Yes, might be a bit late as the next generation of iphone is emerging soon anyway. Well, i aint an into-latest-cutting edge-gadget kind of person. As long as it can serve my need, i can live with just a basic laptop and handphone. But with additional roles and responsibilty, i decided to make some investment so that i can serve my role more effectively and efficiently. So this lil gadget in my hand comes with this oath. Huhuhu..

I think enough for now. Pen off.

Aadil, we did it! December 5, 2010

Seriously, there have been so many posts that I have “written up” in my head and just never got around to “writing up” in my blog; especially since the day Aadil was born. I decided to write down Aadil s birth story, before I completely forget about it (can I?). Afraid that this entry might go long-winded, but I hope this might be helpful for those expecting mothers as   I myself found a lot of inspiration reading other people’s birth story shortly before my own labour…

Alhamdulillah Allah has made it easy for me throughout my pregnancy. Very light morning sickness, well-maintained energy level and blessed with extraordinary appetite! I was always on the move, jogged Aadil around even when he was still in my uterus. From bumpy speed boat ride crossing the sea to walking under blazing sun of haramain, and everything in between.

Alhamdulillah I managed to convince my superior to let me continue working in KL office starting from week 34 of pregnancy (otherwise I will not be accepted to board any plane beyond that date). So from then on, I had my weekly checkup at DEMC Shah Alam with Dr. Norleen (a decision made after so much consultation with akhawat).

16 October 2010

It was just another weekly checkup with Dr. Norleen. However, I planned to go to Bangi afterwards to attend PIMPIN 2010, an annual convention organised by Wanita ISMA.  I brought along some spare cloth for an overnight stay, in case I decided to stay over. I didn’t tell my mother in advance about my intention to attend the program because I knew she wouldn’t let me go since my EDD was just 10 days away (but of course I already got green light from dear zauj who truly understand how I would feel to miss such great program).

Checkup went on as usual with no strange findings; mom was ok and baby was healthy . CTG results also showed no contraction at all. Dr. Norleen decided to give me early medical leave starting the following Thursday for me to have ample rest prior to actual delivery. Before I left, I finalized my birth plan with her: try best for normal delivery, no epidural, just pethidine and nitrous oxide gas for anaesthesia. So I arrived at the program venue around 12 noon, went straight to the main hall after registration. Since I was still indecisive about staying over, I told Kak U, who happened to take charge of registration, that I would only give my confirmation late afternoon.

Alhamdulillah, I had my priceless moment there; being enlightened with excellent presentations by the sheikh of daawah and got to meet my dearest akhawat. It’d be a huge lost for me if I attend it halfway, so I took the nerve to call my mum and told her that I’ll be staying over.  At first she didn’t agree since I was considered full term and could deliver anytime soon. She also told me that she had cooked crab curry for dinner, one of my favourite dish. ‘ nanti dalam pantang dah tak boleh makan tau’, she teased me. ‘Takpe ma, simpan la dalam fridge, esok balik boleh makan’, I replied. I also assured her not to worry about me too much as I was surrounded by many doctors; from houseman to specialist. As expected, she agreed but wasn’t very happy with the decision. Tawakkal ilallah, hopefully it worth the risk!

So to cut the story short, I started to feel an indescribable pain, like very mild period pain, after performing asr prayer. The pain was very mild and bearable, but coming continuously almost every hour since then. Feeling a bit worried, I did talk about the pain with several akhawat, especially the mothers and doctors. Most of them asked me to be prepared as it might be the early signs of labor. However to confirm it’s a real labor, I might get one of these ‘show’: blood, water or contraction; whichever comes first. Even so, I was in great denial that I was in labor; so I ignored my own body’s signals and convinced myself it was nothing. Maybe just a normal stomach ache, I told myself. Must be the fish sambal that I took for dinner. That night I opted to share a room with Kak SS. In case of anything, I’d feel safe in her hands who is a mother of 6 with vast experience in pregnancy and labor.

17 October 2010

12 mid night: I started feeling real ‘pains’ and coming regularly about every 30mins. I wasn’t sure, whether it was contraction or just an upset stomach. I was in and out of the toilet for several time, checking for the ‘show’. But there was none. I couldn’t go back to sleep anymore so I got up, took shower, and called up zauj who was thousand miles away. I requested zauj to together make a prayer; if it’s really contraction, please give me the ‘show’, if it’s just stomach ache please let me pass motion.

2am: I finally had the ‘show’, it was stain of blood. Thank You Allah for granting my prayer. First called up zauj, second I woke Kak SS up and third called up mama. I controlled my voice to be as calm as possible while telling mama that I already had my show and requested her to go to DEMC and bring along the bag I already packed for labor.

2.30am: Kak SS invited F and Dr M to send me to DEMC together with her. We went there in two cars; I was with Dr M (K SS suggested this as she said I’d be safer in a doctor’s care) and K SS drove my car accompanied by F. I was on the phone with zauj along the way, listening to his comforting prayers. I managed to memorize the prayer of Fatimah with my zauj’s help: Ya hayyu ya qayyum, aslihli shakni kullahu, wa la takilni ila nafsi torfata ain.. Ya Allah, make ease for me in everything I do, and don’t make it hard even for a blink of an aye..

3am: Reached DEMC. Went straight to labor room. The nurse in charge did the VE on me, I was 3 cm dilated. She put on the CTG machine to monitor the contraction pattern and baby’s heart beat. Around 3.30am, mama arrived with bapak.

4am: Suddenly I felt a gush of water wetting the bed. My water just broke. Mama quickly pressed the button to call the nurse.. I was a bit panic at first because I thought it was the time when baby was about to slide out.  Nurse came, did VE, dilation was about 4 or 5 cm (cant recall heheh) and said no need to worry because it was just premature rupture of membranes.

5-7 am: By this time contraction was really intense and painful and coming in the interval of 5 minutes. I was already curled in pain, mama was always by my side reminding me to continue reciting prayers and istighfar. She asked me to eat the dates that she brought along for energy but I only ate very little since the pain had really put off my appetite.

7 am: I really felt the urge to push but the staff nurse asked me to wait because I was only 8cm dilated. Subhanallah, I think at this point the pain was unimaginable. The pethidine and nitrous oxide gas didn’t really relieve the pain.

7.50am: Dr Norleen arrived. After did examination on me, she calmly told that I was fully dilated and ready for delivery. The staff nurse taught me how to push the right way and reminded me not to lift up my back during the push.

7.55am: The pushing began. The encouragement from doctor and nurse made the process quite smoothly for me except the fact that I was really out of energy by that time. I thought I knew how to push well, but I really had drained most of my energy out to hold the pain during contraction (that time I regretted for not eating more dates that my mama offered) . So I did try several pushes before the doctor decided to expedite the process using vacuum.

8.01am: Alhamdulillah, Aadil was safely delivered and immediately being put on me . No word can describe my feeling at that moment. The excruciating pain was simply washed away the moment  I saw him and cradle him in my arms. I kissed his cheek and my heart continuously praising Allah for His bounty. After being cleaned, he was then being ‘azan-ed’ by both Atok and Tok Wan. He stopped crying while being azan-ed by Atok and fell asleep right after Tok Wan finished the azan.

So that’s Aadil’s birth story. The experience has really made me realized that all the childbirth stories that I heard or read before are not imagined or exaggerated. When the mothers tell you the pain is indescribable, please trust them that no words can ever represent the feeling. You just have to go through the whole experience and feel it yourself. No wonder mothers are accorded a special place of honor and respect in Islam.

“And We have enjoined upon man to be kind to his parents; in pain did his mother bear him, and in pain did she give him birth. The carrying of a child to his weaning is thirty months. At length, when he reaches the age of full strength and is forty years (old), he says, ‘O my Lord! Grant me that I may be grateful for Your favors, that You bestowed me and upon both my parents; that I may do righteous deeds that are acceptable to You; and be gracious to me with regards to (my own) offspring. Surely, I turn to You repentant, and I wholly give myself (to You).” (Qur’an 46:15)

All praises are due to Him for granting me the chance to taste the sweetness and joy of motherhood. Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah, Allahu Akbar. It’s such an honour and I’ll try my best to turn myself into this wonderful, selfless being – A mother.

Oh yes, you may call me Umm Aadil! 🙂

We are now 3 :) October 17, 2010

Welcoming Wan Aadil bin Wan Muhammad to the family…

A few hours after birth..

“Barakallahu laka fil mauhub, wa syakarta al wahib, wa balagha asyuddahu, wa ruziqta birrahu.”

It’s 1..2..3..4! September 30, 2010

Wan & Hazlin Journey Ticker

While I was in the middle of a strenuous technical meeting at the office this morning, suddenly I received an SMS that has carved a spontaneous wide smile on my face and broken a small laughter.

We have been married for 1 year, 2 months, 3 weeks & 4 days

It was him, my husband, with his ‘selamba’and out-of-sudden joke that I always love.

In my head I was imagining that he was spending his free time before bed by browsing through our dusty blog and found our marriage ticker. My guess was right when later I received an email from him asking for the username and password to access the blog account. That proves how long we have been neglecting the site.

My colleague who was sitting next to me asking me what has caused my sudden joy.  I showed her the SMS and then she said “Laa.. baru nak cakap congrats.. ingatkan anniversary ke..”.

Well, everyday is our anniversary; my heart said. Instead of voicing out the answer, I responded to her remarks with a smile.

Time flies very fast and we don’t realize that we have walked through our marriage journey this far. Alhamdulillah, I feel so blessed by Allah with this marriage; with a very loving husband and a soon-to-be-delivered baby. Even though we are separated thousand miles away for most of the time, Allah has made our hearts closer day by day. Even though we are yet to have the chance to settle down together at one place and make a living like a normal family, we are still confident that the day will come. If it’s not now here, it’ll be later there. We have started this journey together in the name of Allah; so we hope to reach our destination i.e. jannatullah, with His redha.

Later at night, I called my dear husband for our daily 10-minute chat (yes, we try to make ourselves discipline in order to save on the telephone bill). He started the conversation by teasing me with a quiz: Ok, how long have we been married? Uncertain with my answer, I sloooowly replied his question (with long mmmmmm and errrrrr in between) while my fingers rapidly pushing the buttons on the phone to check back his SMS this morning.

“It’s 1 year… emmm.. 2 months… errrr… 3 weeks and 4 days! Eh abang, do you realize it?! It’s 1.. 2.. 3.. 4!!”

“Ye la sayang, tak perasan pulak..”.. and we both broke into a big laughter.

Oh well friend, you can proceed with your wish..

Happy ‘1 2 3 4’ Anniversary to us!